Roses
by lovexraven
Summary: Narcissa and Lucius Malfoy always had a twisted marriage, but to everyone it was unclear just how twisted it actually was. Narcissa tells the story of her marriage to her husband.


I remember the days when I was a child. You used to call me young; you called me pure and innocent. I remember short days I would spend with you, Lucius, and long and painful nights. You taught me to love that pain; you taught me everything I know. It was those nights when you would leave your bed and then come to me. I dread upon my childhood, my husband. I remember being pulled into your bed in the day, with you towering over my body.

I remember sleeping with your cold body beside my own. The nights when the full moon's light trickled into my windows you would take me in your arms and break me. You would punish me. I remember your nails raking down my back, your teeth brushing my soft flesh, your soft voice whispering in my ear, "mine, mine."  
I learned never to be bad around you, Lucius. You always knew how to cause the pain that I was taught to love. Your hand clutching a thick handful of my hair, yanking back my heal to pull my pale face, so much like your own, up to yours. A rough kiss; your other hand ripping at my nightgown, and then your teeth upon my lip, my throat, my chest.

I always assumed you were harder on me than you were on any of your other girlfriends. But then again, you hated me. You hated everything about your wife. The way that my hair was in curls and light platinum blonde. You hated my pale skin; you used to pinch and pull at it. You would smear blood on it, saying to me that you were covering it, covering the shame I had brought to you. And most of all, you hated my eyes. I remember you blindfolding me for than once so you didn't have to stare into my terrible eyes. You said that my light blue eyes were a shame to you. I didn't understand. I never understood what was wrong with the eyes that you used to say were like water over ice. You told me I was hideous and that I shouldn't even be alive.

I used to always be at your mercy on the nights when the moon was full. Your sharp nails would rake at my body, tearing away my nightdress. We lost so much fabric that way, don't you remember? You would claw at my body until I felt a steady waterfall of blood from my wounds, and would never stop then. You would only stop to kiss me when the tears fell from my eyes. I admit, at first they came easily, but I got better, right Lucius? You would lick away the blood and clean my body, savoring the liquid in your mood. I learned to do that too when you finally let me hurt you in return.

The pain I used to feel at your hands was unbearable. You didn't ever let me play outside like both of my sisters were able to. No. I was your wife and you had control over me. Instead you'd hold me flat to your beautiful white sheets – you always insisted we have white sheets, remember? You loved them the way that you would never love me. You loved them like you loved to torture me; like you loved to take me and stab me.

Do you remember the time you brought the knife, its silver glinting by the light of a single candle, my family crest carved in an onyx set in the pommel? Cold steel pressed to my neck; a point against my heart. The blade tracing a slender line down my back, almost but not quite cutting, ruining the only fine black silk gown that I wore.

Then I was bare again, but then I was always laid bare to you.

That full mood was terribly sweet, with me lying on the floor in my own blood, you over me; feeling me, touching me. I remember arching my back and looking deeply into your eyes as you kissed me, understanding then and there why my mother had wanted me to marry you. You were absolutely wonderful.

How did you persuade Bellatrix to come that night? I remember she had never liked you. She assumed that because you were a Malfoy you weren't good enough for me. She always used to tell me that I should leave you, but I never listened to her. I loved you.

I remember her body pressed against mine with you watching over us. I never thought I would enjoy the feel of my own sister touching me, but with your knife pressed against us every time we protested against you I learned to love it. I never said a word about sleeping with Bellatrix; I never said a word about anything you did to me. I was always so silent. Don't you remember? You had girlfriends and side flings that were always loud and annoying, but I never said a word.

There was only one amazing gift you ever gave me, and it was our knife. I remember when you would lay me on the ground and steel it from my gasp, cutting open my skin and laughing. Perhaps that was why you gave it to me, so that I would be tortured at its point so many a time. It didn't matter. I learned to love the feel of it.

You said I was foolish because I loved you. I remember you would kiss me the second that I even began to utter the words. That way I couldn't speak. I was only been able to get the words out once. Do you remember that night? The second I whispered that that I loved you I felt your hands inching up to my throat and grabbing my silver heart pendent on my necklace. You gave me that necklace, remember? I remember that you began to choke me with it. I admit that I was frightened, but I never uttered a sound or protested. You told me that you were pleased with me, but just after you said that you left the room. That was when I began to look frightened. You returned with a whip, don't you remember? That was the first time you ever whipped me. I remember your hands ripping off my nightdress and taking me off the bed. You told me to hold onto the bedpost like you were about to tie my corset and I obeyed. I wasn't going to defy your commands, Lucius. When you were angry you were terrifying. I remember you bringing the whip down on my naked body. Sometimes you missed my back and hit my shoulders or my legs, but you didn't stop to kiss those wounds. No matter how much I cried or screamed you didn't stop until I said I didn't love you. That was when you took me in your arms and comforted me.

I got better with the whip over time, don't you think so, Lucius? It became your favorite little toy of ours. I stopped screaming and crying every time you bought it down on my bare skin. I learned to love the whip; you knew that I loved it. For some reason you never did anything to make me hate it again. We used to play a little game. I would squirm and try and act frightened whenever you pulled it out. Sometimes I would scramble to get away from you and hide somewhere, but you always found me. You stripped me naked wherever I was even if there were people around. Your followers loved to watch you whip me. They loved everything about it. You had sex with me once just to please them. You must remember that, Lucius. We had our twisted little game called sex. You took out our knife and brought it down my chest while you were inside of me. I remember the point carving little circles around my nipples and your name on my stomach. Men have always asked me why I have the name 'Lucius' on my stomach, but I refuse to answer them. Instead I kiss them to shut them up, just like you kissed me when I said I loved you. I remember your lips kissing the places where you had cut me when we were finished. You took me back up to our spotless white sheets and kissed all the blood away. I remember sometimes feeling your tongue brushing over my flesh when you tried to get the blood away. In the end I was always clean, but you made sure that the feeling didn't last very long. We stained those white sheets with my blood so many times, remember, Lucius? I complained at first, but you told me that we had more than enough money to buy more.

Do you remember our wedding night? That was before any of the whipping began. I remember how depressed you were the day of our wedding. I wanted to kiss you and make you better, but you can't kiss away emotional pain. I was about to say that I wouldn't marry you at the altar just so that you would be happy, but I was too selfish to bring myself to do that. I loved you too much even it you didn't want me to. I could hear the gasps as you kissed me; it wasn't at all a polite kiss. Your hands ran up my chest and into my hair, knocking my veil askew. Although I was sure no one would see it, I felt your tongue tracing the inside of my jaw line. No one dared to try to stop us, though. I could see my sister out of the corner of my eye. She was the only one in the entire room smirking. The rest just looked too shocked to move. I can still remember your tongue leaving my jaw line and teasing against mine before you pulled away. For a moment you stayed close to me before you whispered in my ears the simple words "we're going to have fun tonight."

At first I thought that you didn't stick around for all of the wedding party. I was forced to face the congratulations alone for at least an hour before I was able to escape for a few moments. That was when I caught you wrapped in an embrace with a half naked slut. I didn't care. I just waved at you and smiled sweetly. I knew that we were still married and that I was still your best girl. I could take more pain than any of the side flings that you brought home. I could hear them scream from our bedroom when I was sitting in the library. I knew what you hated them. I could tell from the look on your face when you came into bed with me and our knife. I knew that you loathed their cries when you command me to sit up and look at you when you cut me. I remember on the night of our wedding you told me to get back into my wedding dress so that you could destroy it. I did as you asked. I wasn't stupid. I could remember your knife running down my back like you would do with my nightdresses, barely cutting me but destroying the fine lace and silk. I remember that again you were whispering the words "mine, mine" in my ear as I lay on the ground in my own blood.

You're right, Lucius. I am yours. I promise I will always be yours.


End file.
